domingo, 5 de octubre de 2008

culpabilidad, color y mercancía

su experiencia de culpa más originaria fue a los 6 años, en el supermercado. quería un librillo, una historia con dibujos de un perro aventurero. él tenía dos librillos de la misma serie: su mamá se los había comprado, y él nunca había visto dónde los vendían. tomó este librillo y no quiso soltarlo. su mamá se enojó. él no quiso soltarlo. en la caja, pagando, la mamá lloró y con la cara muy cansada le dijo que no iba a poder comprar carne. el niño la miró, con el librillo en la mano.
el librillo era entretenido, tanto como los otros dos; pero como objeto era profundamente distinto. estaba manchado por la culpa, pero no manchado como algo que está malo y se tiene que botar: la circunstancia en que obtuvo el libro le hacía pensar que el libro "valía" algo, que no podía deshacerse de él porque sería peor. el libro era un amuleto negro que causaba dolor tanto ante la idea de conservarlo como ante la idea de botarlo. a veces lo leía, y cada vez iba perdiendo más su gracia; y entre menos gracia tuviera más aumentaba su maldición.
no tuvo ningún otro librillo de esa serie, y los que tenía se perdieron, pero muchos años después seguía recordando a los personajes. sus colores eran nítidos, como una flor teñida con veneno.

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